Handling a Conflict Situation

Interesting stuff happens in our brains when we find ourselves in a conflict situation. These responses are automatic and take a great deal of self awareness to change.

Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

• Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
• Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
• Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

Stress interferes with your ability to resolve conflicts by limiting your ability to:

• Accurately read another person's nonverbal communication
• Hear what someone is really saying
• Be aware of your own feelings
• Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs
• Communicate your needs clearly

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm

The message for me from this information: Let some time pass before trying to resolve a conflict so the stress level can go down and clearer thinking can prevail. One strategy for kids and adults could be to remove them or ourselves from the situation and then simply say "Let's talk about this in a few minutes" or some other appropriate time in the future. 

Malcom Gladwell's 10,000 Hour Rule

I've often heard people say "I wish I knew how to play the piano". I've been tempted to say in response "You could, if you were willing to spend the time to learn." Some people are inclined to think that it is a matter talent that makes a good piano player. But Bryan's piano teacher once told me that his brother was much more talented at piano than he was but wasn't as good a piano player now.

Talent can play an important role but it can also be a hinderance. When something comes to us easily we may not learn how to engage in the diligent work that is required for the development of true greatness. And diligent work is required!

Elder Cook said this in April 2017 General Conference. "When we watch a great athletic or musical performance, we often say that the person is very gifted, which is usually true. But the performance is based upon years of preparation and practice. One well-known writer, Malcolm Gladwell, has called this the 10,000-hour rule. Researchers have determined that this amount of practice is necessary in athletics, musical performance, academic proficiency, specialized work skills, medical or legal expertise, and so on. One of these research experts asserts “that ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert—in anything.”

Elder Cook went on to compare the establishment of foundations of faith to the preparation and practice required to obtain peak physical and mental performance. Preparation and practice are essential to both.

We are sometimes blessed with sublime spiritual experiences and they are precious to us. "But for enduring faith and to have the constant companionship of the Spirit, there is no substitute for the individual religious observance that is comparable to physical and mental development. We should build on these experiences, which sometimes resemble initial baby steps. We do this by consecrated commitment to sacred sacrament meetings, scripture study, prayer, and serving as called." That is how we build "an immovable foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

He said he has come to understand that "almost every decision we make in [our lives] depends on three issues: (1) Was Jesus Christ divine? (2) Is the Book of Mormon true? (3) Was Joseph Smith the prophet of the Restoration?" We must find the answers to these questions for ourselves. And when we do we must consistently fortify our foundation of faith by putting forth the same effort that is required for the strengthening of any talent.

From Elder Cook - "Just as repetition and consistent effort are required to gain physical or mental capacity, the same is true in spiritual matters".


"I believe that weekly participation in sacred sacrament meetings has spiritual implications we do not fully understand. Pondering the scriptures regularly—rather than reading them occasionally—can substitute a superficial understanding for a sublime, life-changing enhancement of our faith."

"My plea is that we will make the sacrifices and have the humility necessary to strengthen the foundations of our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. "

I testify that "Faith is a principle of power" that will bless our lives beyond anything that we can imagine. And it can be be fortified through simple but consistent and prayerful application of the things Elder Cook teaches in this talk.