Men and Women

From The Family: A Proclamation To The World:

“ALL HUMAN BEINGS—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.” 

Here are some quotes that resonated with me from my study this week:

"Marvelously, it takes a man and a woman to make a man or a woman. Without union of the sexes, neither can we exist, nor can we become perfect. Ordinary and imperfect people can build each other through their wholeness together. The complete contribution of one partner to the other is essential to exaltation. This is so “that the earth might answer the end of its creation” (D&C 49:16)" (Elder Russell M. Nelson, “Lessons from Eve”, Ensign, November, 1987)

  

“We know that our physical bodies have a divine origin and that we must experience both a physical birth and a spiritual rebirth to reach the highest realms in God’s celestial kingdom. Thus, women play an integral part (sometimes at the risk of their own lives) in God’s work and glory “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” As grandmothers, mothers, and role models, women have been the guardians of the wellspring of life, teaching each generation the importance of sexual purity—of chastity before marriage and fidelity within marriage. In this way, they have been a civilizing influence in society; they have brought out the best in men; they have perpetuated wholesome environments in which to raise secure and healthy children.

“Attitudes toward human sexuality threaten the moral authority of women on several fronts. Abortion for personal or social convenience strikes at the heart of a woman’s most sacred powers and destroys her moral authority. The same is true of sexual immorality and of revealing dress that not only debases women but reinforces the lie that a woman’s sexuality is what defines her worth.”

“ . . . . Equal-opportunity promiscuity simply robs women of their moral influence and degrades all of society. In this hollow bargain, it is men who are “liberated” and women and children who suffer most.” (Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “The Moral Force of Women”, Ensign, October 2013)

“Brethren, much has been said and written in recent years about the challenges of men and boys. A sampling of book titles, for example, includes Why There Are No Good Men Left, The Demise of Guys, The End of Men, Why Boys Fail, and Manning Up. . . . a common thread running through these analyses is that in many societies today men and boys get conflicting and demeaning signals about their roles and value in society. 

“In their zeal to promote opportunity for women, something we applaud, there are those who denigrate men and their contributions. They seem to think of life as a competition between male and female—that one must dominate the other, and now it’s the women’s turn. Some argue that a career is everything and marriage and children should be entirely optional—therefore, why do we need men? In too many Hollywood films, TV and cable shows, and even commercials, men are portrayed as incompetent, immature, or self-absorbed. This cultural emasculation of males is having a damaging effect.  

“Brethren, it cannot be this way with us. As men of the priesthood, we have an essential role to play in society, at home, and in the Church. But we must be men that women can trust, that children can trust, and that God can trust. In the Church and kingdom of God in these latter days, we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting. We cannot afford young men who lack self-discipline and live only to be entertained. We cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life, who are not serious about forming families and making a real contribution in this world. We cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to provide spiritual leadership in the home. We cannot afford to have those who exercise the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God, waste their strength in pornography or spend their lives in cyberspace (ironically being of the world while not being in the world). (Elder D. Todd Christofferson, “Brethren We Have a Work to Do”, Ensign, October 2012)

“The unique combination of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional capacities of both males and females were needed to implement the plan of happiness. Alone, neither the man nor the woman could fulfill the purposes of his or her creation. (Elder David A. Bednar, “Marriage is Essential to His Plan”, Ensign, April 2006

Marriage and Family

I have been studying the Proclamation on the Family in my PathwayConnect Course. These are some of the ideas that have strengthened my views about the doctrine taught in that proclamation. 

The first paragraph of the Proclamation states: “We, the First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

Elder David A. Bednar summarized it this way (Marriage is Essential to His Plan, Ensign, June 2006):

“The eternal nature and importance of marriage can be fully understood only within the overarching context of the Father’s plan for His children. . . The great plan of happiness enables the spirit sons and daughters of Heavenly Father to obtain physical bodies, to gain earthly experience, and to progress toward perfection. . . The natures of male and female spirits complete and perfect each other, and therefore men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation."

For me, one of the clearest explanations of the connection between the Plan of Salvation and the doctrine of the family was given by Sister Julie B. Beck. 

"In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have a theology of the family that is based on the Creation, the Fall and the Atonement. The Creation of the earth provided a place where families could live. God created a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was part of Heavenly Father’s plan that Adam and Eve be sealed and form an eternal family. 

"The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. Adam and Eve were family leaders who chose to have a mortal experience. The Fall made it possible for them to have sons and daughters. 

"The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness, also called the plan of salvation, was a plan created for families. The rising generation need to understand that the main pillars of our theology are centered in the family. 

"When we speak of qualifying for the blessings of eternal life, we mean qualifying for the blessings of eternal families. This was Christ’s doctrine, and it was restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith. It is recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 2:1–3: 

“Behold, I will reveal unto you the Priesthood, by the hand of Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. 

“And he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers. 

“If it were not so, the whole earth would be utterly wasted at his coming.” 

"This scripture is talking about temple blessings—ordinances and covenants without which “the whole earth [is] utterly wasted.” 

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” was written to reinforce that the family is central to the Creator’s plan.  Without the family, there is no plan; there is no reason for mortal life.”

(From a broadcast address given to seminary and institute of religion teachers on August 4, 2009. It was printed in the Ensign, “Teaching the Doctrine of the Family,” Ensign, Mar. 2011, 12–17.)

And in conclusion, again, from Elder Bednar:

“As we look beyond mortality and into eternity, it is easy to discern that the counterfeit alternatives the adversary advocates can never lead to the completeness that is made possible through the sealing together of a man and a woman, to the happiness of righteous marriage, to the joy of posterity, or to the blessing of eternal progression." 

This is NOT going to work!

It seems to me that the Savior’s Apostles exercised a lot of faith to even start to pass out the 5 loaves and 2 fishes to such a large group of people. They must have had some thoughts such as these: This is not going to work, it will never be enough to feed everyone. It would be unfair or rude to feed only a few and then run out. Why bother? In fact the scriptures say that they did have such a thought. (John 6:9) But they had seen many miracles performed by the Savior so I guess that’s why they believed enough to do what He told them to do.
What miracles have we seen? Have we seen enough to grow our faith to the point that we will do what the Savior says even if it doesn’t make sense to our finite brains?
Isaiah 55:8-9 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

The Lord “invites us to come to Him with our sincere questions.”

I was inspired by this. It is from the March 2019 Ensign, pp 68-69:

"When we are troubled by uncertainty, the Savior counsels us to avoid doubt. He said, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not” (Doctrine and Covenants 6:36). And Moroni wrote, “Doubt not, but be believing” (Mormon 9:27).

"We should remember that “the term question is not synonymous with the term doubt.” Doubt assumes the very worst about ourselves and others. When we doubt, we fear that someone is trying to cheat or deceive us. To doubt that Jesus is the Christ implies that He and those who have borne witness of Him are confused, misguided, or lying. To doubt the Book of Mormon, one must assume the worst about Joseph Smith and everyone who gave so much to bring it forth. To doubt our ability to repent and change implies that Christ cannot do what He claims, that His power is somehow limited.

"Although the Lord discourages doubt, He invites us to come to Him with our sincere questions. “Ask, and it shall be given you,” He taught (Matthew 7:7).

"We can replace doubts with sincere questions, such as “Is Jesus the Christ?” “Is the Book of Mormon true?” “Did Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appear to Joseph Smith?” “Does Christ lead this Church today?” or “Can I be forgiven of my sins?” Sincere questions like these can soften our hearts as we show our trust in the Lord and look to Him for answers.

"We may also discover that some of our questions aren’t so important or don’t really need immediate answers. Tad R. Callister, Sunday School General President, stated: “I can live with some human imperfections, even among prophets of God--that is to be expected in mortal beings. I can live with some alleged scientific findings contrary to the Book of Mormon; time will correct those. And I can live with some seeming historical anomalies; they are minor in the total landscape of truth. But I cannot live without the doctrinal truths and ordinances restored by Joseph Smith, I cannot live without the priesthood of God to bless my family, and I cannot live without knowing my wife and children are sealed to me for eternity.”

Handling a Conflict Situation

Interesting stuff happens in our brains when we find ourselves in a conflict situation. These responses are automatic and take a great deal of self awareness to change.

Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

• Foot on the gas. An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
• Foot on the brake. A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
• Foot on both gas and brake. A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.

Stress interferes with your ability to resolve conflicts by limiting your ability to:

• Accurately read another person's nonverbal communication
• Hear what someone is really saying
• Be aware of your own feelings
• Be in touch with your deep-rooted needs
• Communicate your needs clearly

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/conflict-resolution-skills.htm

The message for me from this information: Let some time pass before trying to resolve a conflict so the stress level can go down and clearer thinking can prevail. One strategy for kids and adults could be to remove them or ourselves from the situation and then simply say "Let's talk about this in a few minutes" or some other appropriate time in the future. 

Malcom Gladwell's 10,000 Hour Rule

I've often heard people say "I wish I knew how to play the piano". I've been tempted to say in response "You could, if you were willing to spend the time to learn." Some people are inclined to think that it is a matter talent that makes a good piano player. But Bryan's piano teacher once told me that his brother was much more talented at piano than he was but wasn't as good a piano player now.

Talent can play an important role but it can also be a hinderance. When something comes to us easily we may not learn how to engage in the diligent work that is required for the development of true greatness. And diligent work is required!

Elder Cook said this in April 2017 General Conference. "When we watch a great athletic or musical performance, we often say that the person is very gifted, which is usually true. But the performance is based upon years of preparation and practice. One well-known writer, Malcolm Gladwell, has called this the 10,000-hour rule. Researchers have determined that this amount of practice is necessary in athletics, musical performance, academic proficiency, specialized work skills, medical or legal expertise, and so on. One of these research experts asserts “that ten thousand hours of practice is required to achieve the level of mastery associated with being a world-class expert—in anything.”

Elder Cook went on to compare the establishment of foundations of faith to the preparation and practice required to obtain peak physical and mental performance. Preparation and practice are essential to both.

We are sometimes blessed with sublime spiritual experiences and they are precious to us. "But for enduring faith and to have the constant companionship of the Spirit, there is no substitute for the individual religious observance that is comparable to physical and mental development. We should build on these experiences, which sometimes resemble initial baby steps. We do this by consecrated commitment to sacred sacrament meetings, scripture study, prayer, and serving as called." That is how we build "an immovable foundation of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ."

He said he has come to understand that "almost every decision we make in [our lives] depends on three issues: (1) Was Jesus Christ divine? (2) Is the Book of Mormon true? (3) Was Joseph Smith the prophet of the Restoration?" We must find the answers to these questions for ourselves. And when we do we must consistently fortify our foundation of faith by putting forth the same effort that is required for the strengthening of any talent.

From Elder Cook - "Just as repetition and consistent effort are required to gain physical or mental capacity, the same is true in spiritual matters".


"I believe that weekly participation in sacred sacrament meetings has spiritual implications we do not fully understand. Pondering the scriptures regularly—rather than reading them occasionally—can substitute a superficial understanding for a sublime, life-changing enhancement of our faith."

"My plea is that we will make the sacrifices and have the humility necessary to strengthen the foundations of our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. "

I testify that "Faith is a principle of power" that will bless our lives beyond anything that we can imagine. And it can be be fortified through simple but consistent and prayerful application of the things Elder Cook teaches in this talk.

Immaculate Perception

"Immaculate Perception" is a phrase I heard used in a class about communication and emotional intelligence given by Richard Himmer at Education Week last year. I thought it was a great way to describe a common problem. We are often so self absorbed that we don't realize that we may not know or understand as much as we think we do about another's failings. Our perception of things is just that - our perception. And it is often too tainted by our limited perspective to be safely trusted. Anytime we become so sure that we know exactly what another person is thinking or feeling, we are in danger of this phenomenon. That kind of understanding comes only after we have been able to humbly ask the kind of questions that lead to understanding. It comes only when our only desires are to truly understand rather than accuse.

This is a great quote that also describes "Immaculate Perception":
"I know you think you understand what you thought I said. But I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant" - Robert McCloskey